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Thank you to everyone that has given us your prayers and your help. Our little bundle of joy was born September 28th, 2007 at 6:18pm. She weighed 6pounds 2 ounces and was 19 inches long. She had to stay 4 days in the special care nursery but got to come home on October 2nd. Life has been intresting since we have came home. Mariah likes to be up more at night than during the day. We are starting to get our routine back down for the homeschooling also. Since Marcus fell behind in school the past few weeks, he is in like this massive overdrive to catch up. Today he had a stupid show cause hearing for child support so hopefully he can get somewhere with that, but we will see. Thank you again to everyone...

I woke up this morning and was getting ready to go to my stepmom's mothers funeral and somethind told me to look outside. I had a really bad feeling. When I looked outside, I noticed something was missing.....our van....our only vehicle. We got it repossesed for being behind on our payments. So I called to find out where the van was so we could get our belongings. Our van is all the way in Saginaw and Not only do we have to find a ride up there but I have to pay $50.00 to retrieve OUR belongings out of it. And on top of that we have to hope they get everything out and dont take anything because were not aloud to have any contact with the vehicle.

All of our freedom out of this house was taken from us. Now I have to find weekly rides to my doctors aappt.'s and marcus has to find rides out to the college 3 times a week. We even have to depend on sombody to take us grocery shopping and to get diapers and anything else thats involves going out of the house. Talk about being kicked down even farther. I have no idea what are we going to do. No vehicle with 5 kids and soon to be 6? I wish there was an organization that would donate a van or subburn or something....This sucks!!!

Well another sunday went by that I had to miss. Even though I caught it live it still wasnt the same. I missed hearing Jvo today but he is only human and does need a break sometimes. Daves message was really good today, although it always is, I really enjoyed todays. I wonder how Randy is doing. He is in my thoughts and prayers along with his family. I go to the doctors tomorrow for my weekly check up. As the days go by I get more discouraged because I am not feeling any better but worse. My heart goes out to my hubby Marcus right now cause it seems like he has the weight of the world on his back. He starts college full time August 20th and has to try to manange to get some kind of income coming in along with trying to study. I wish I could do something to help make the load a little easier for him. Calebs 7th birthday is next month on the 19th and zachs 3rd is on the 7th and with trying to figure out what to do with baby items, rent, consumers, and the van payment just gets to be to much at times. Sometimes crying seems to be the only thing I can do. I know I need to trust god that everything will work out but its just so much stress and finanical stuff that needs to be taken care of before october, I dont feel right even thinking of putting that much burden on him. Everyone says he will not give you more that you can handle but I dont even feel like I can handle all this as it is. I have to admit as much as I hate to, I get angry at times. I cant help but wonder why this stuff happens. I dont think he makes it happen but it seems like he could prevent it. My job was going so good. We were starting to get caught up and then I get taken off on bedrest and we just fall right back even darker into a black hole and its hard to see the light, any kind of a good outcome. What am I missing? Am I not doing something right that is bringing this onto myself? i just dont have any answers. Just tears and discouragment. Thoughts that by October we will lose the van, or no way to pay rent, or the power will be shut off, or I will not have anything for the baby. I keep thinking about what terry younkin said that everything is just a bandiad, just temporary to the big problem. I dont like the person that this discouragment is making me. Im tired of being sad, and negitive and not having any hope anymore. I feel like I not only have hit rock bottom but keep bouncing off of it over and over again. God please give me strength to get through this horriably difficult time right now because I know that even though my heart and faith isnt where it should be, only your strength and love is going to get me through this time in my life. Niki

Sometimes when you think things cant get any worse, something seems to happens to prove you wrong. I am going to take a few minutes to ask for as much help as I can get. For those of you that read my last blog, you are aware of the things we have been going through this last month. I went back to the doctors tuesday with hopes of being taken off of bedrest so I can help get some money coming back into the household. But at my appt. I found out that was not going to happen until after I have the baby. Im having a big problem now with pre term labor along with everything else. Here is the problem.... We had to get rid of pretty much everything after our last baby and unfortunitly need to start over, with no funds to do so. I went online and did a online baby registry with target and walmart( online cause its to hard to walk around the store and do it). Since I was not able to go to the store, there is no place online to mark for diapers or wipes so I would have put pampers swaddlers size newborn and size one. If it sounds like I am desperate for help, you are right, I am. We have nothing that is on our registry and not even one pack of diapers and with the possiabilty of her coming next month im starting to get a little freaked out. For those of you that could help us out and for those of you who cant and can just offer us prayers to get through this and to hopefully figure it out, words cannot express my grattitude. Thank you so much for taking a few minutes out to read this. I tried to come to church 2 weeks ago and had to get up and leave in the middle of it so i have been catching it live. I am hoping though that I will be feeling a little better one of these sundays to make it in. I miss everyones smiles and hugs. But if not everyone is in my thoughts and prayers

Niki Rutan

Hi Everyone

I just wanted to thank all of you that have sent us your prayers over the last few weeks. For those of you who dont know whats been going on i will let you in. I got put in the hospital for one week with kidney stones on both sides which required me to have to get surgery for a stent placement which is very uncomfortable being 27 weeks pregnant. Well they couldnt control the pain afterwards which required a longer stay. The day before i got discharged (friday) we got our power shut off. So that was a long weekend with 5 kids and candels. Although suprisingly relaxing at night. Thanks to Bill anf Terry Y. For all of there help, we couldnt have done it with out them. Anyways, we got it back on monday midday but only to have another diaster happen. Zachary our two year old had the dresser and 19 inch t.v. fall on him which obviously required his histarical mother to call 911. Once we got in the ambulance zach went completly unresponsive but with the paramedics lovely pinch to the top of zach's arm, made him come to again. Thankfully the test came back fine and lil Zach got carried out with just a very bruised face and body. Thank You God!!!!    So with that being our amazing adventure, thanks again for all of the thoughts and prayers.

 Niki, Marcus, Caleb, Jacob, Elizabeth, Zach, Sarah Rutan